Dublin Opinion

Sinead Gleeson is always going on about how she loves John Crace’s Digested Read in the Guardian. This is where the witty John retells the bones of a recently published book in the author’s style managing somehow to squeeze it all into a couple of pithy paragraphs.

Seeing as you can’t open a newspaper or webpage these days without having to read lengthy diatribes about the Lisbon Treaty I’ve decided to give one of them the Digested Read treatment, just to save people time.

So, here’s Frederick Forsythe’s column which was written on behalf of Libertas and published in the Irish Times today(Sub Req).

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As a Brit living in Ireland where I wallowed in a tax free existence artistically, I had to put my racist stereotyping aside while enjoying the luxury of one of the most flexible tax regimes in Europe and admit, Mick ain’t as thick as he looks (to me anyway).

Britain missed a trick in Europe sending zombies instead of real men who could face down the Nazi bureaukrauts. Like previous paper-flapping liberals, us former bulldogs whined like chimp-faced chiwawas and finally rolled over to have tummy tickled with the scratchy end of a Brussels-bought fountain pen which was used to ink contracts of slavery penned in unreadable EU doublespeak.

Dublin instead sent their sharpest attorneys practiced in the fine art of finding legal loop holes to protect the financial interests of their rich political clients. Finally, in a stroke of unparallel genius the Mick dropped the oppressive corporation tax, which then had high rolling global tech corps flying into Dublin airport in wave after wave of Ryanair flights which were greeted by clear-eyed, clean-nosed propeller-headed tech graduates. This elite guard was more than happy to take a tiny portion of the money the US corporates were trying to hide from their tax inspectors.

Make no mistake, if this treaty is passed in June France will activate a hidden clause in July, which will change the rule book completely and allow them to raise an EU army with the aid of the Nazis on the German left. Sarkosy, with his Josephine of a model girlfriend (who’s new album is incredibly catchy, although I don’t like poetry), will be a new Napoleon. He will not rest until the whole of Europe is completely Franco-fied, with school children quoting Sartre at each other and eating Croissant for breakfast.

Ireland can wave Slan to its treasured neutrality which allowed it to cower like a little child, safely tucked away under the table of Britain’s imperial pluck during World War II. The ‘Oui’ camp may say no to that, but if this passes that won’t be the last word of French they meekly squeak.

Great moral choices aren’t easy, but if the Irish are as brave as a mercenary with only a single clip of ammo in his automatic being chased by heavily armed insurgents, they can finally do what is right and abdicate EU power to America.

Frederick Forsythe is a airport novelist and wrote this commentary for Libertas, who may or may not be co-funded by the US arms industry and who would like people to vote No, but not at the point of a gun or nuttin.

Super-digested read:

Listen, I like Ireland, but unless you vote No on June 12th I will raise an army of crack Serbian mercenaries, financed by the US military-industrial complex, and kill you all (in one of my crappy novels).